So, I started a new job recently, bartending at a nice sports bar pretty close to my house. We need a little extra money, I love tending bar, and I was really lucky to get hired right away. Win, win, motherfucking win.
But things took a sharp dive into self-loathing when I walked into the bar on my first day. I was full of confidence (with a few nervous butterflies), and then I noticed the girl behind the bar.
I don't want to exaggerate, but this girl was gorgeous. Beautiful waist length blonde hair, super cute clothes, model-perfect features, blindingly white teeth... you get the picture.
I looked down at my ill-fitting jeans, my running shoes, and my long sleeve t-shirt that a half hour before had been "cute" and "approachable" and now was screaming "schlub".
I haven't exactly "let myself go" since I became a stay-at-home mom, but I was feeling a little like this:
Over the next few shifts, I met some of the other bartenders. Some were guys, some were girls, all were gorgeous. Mother of God.
I'm not all "oh woe is me, I'm so ugly" most of the time, but damn. My inner freshman in high school was coming out as I nervously tugged at my clothes and looked at myself disgustedly in the bathroom mirror. "wahhh I'll NEVER get elected to homecoming court!!!"
So anyway. I decided to get my brassy straggly hair cut and colored in an attempt to restore a little self-confidence. Because really, I can't change this:
|That shit is here to stay.|
But, with a small fortune and the skilled hands of an expert, I can change this:
|Make it better here, and here, and here....|
Several hours later, I emerged from the salon with a head of shiny brown, much shorter hair.
|Yes, I always look this tired, thanks for noticing.|
|Pretty hair makes me ANGRRRYY...|
Do you have any self-confidence boosting rituals that pump you up before you are forced in to be in the presence of unnaturally good looking people? In college, my roommate and I would take shots and dance in our underwear to "Get Low" before we went out to the bars. Classy.
What makes your self-confidence waver? In this situation, I wouldn't feel so down on myself if I was really confident in what I was doing. But new job = being suckier than everyone else = sad face.