Hold on to your hats ladies and gentlemen, shit's about to get real...
Not quite two years ago, I lost my dad very suddenly. It sucked and my world came grinding to a halt for a long, long time.
Besides the obvious tragedy and the pain of missing someone so much it literally takes your breath away, a new world of irritation was revealed to me: the stupid shit people say after someone dies.
Which brings us to....
*** probably you should stop reading now if you're easily offended***
There are three main types of bereavement offenses. Allow me...
Offender #1 - Excessive exclamation points/ capital letters.
Look, I know you're really, realllllllly, sorry for my loss, but writing, "I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!!!!!!!!" on a sympathy card makes it look more like you're screaming for an encore at a fucking Miley Cyrus concert (or whatever crap music you and your offensive personality listen to).
Offender #2 - Improperly used good manners.
I'm all for good manners, I am. And part of that is saying "You're welcome." when someone says "Thank you." But this does not count as good manners: (taken from my Facebook wall)
"I'm so sorry for your loss"
"Thank you for your kind words"
Offender #3 - Weird religious crap.
Listen, I generally have a lot of love (and occasionally a little envy) for those people who have strong faith, and it can be comforting in a difficult time, even for the non-religious of us out there. So when you say, "I'm praying for you", I think that's great. "My prayers are with your family".. that shit is sincere and thoughtful.
However, "Your dad is looking down on you from Heaven!" Uhhh, awesome, glad I can think about that every time I have sex/take a crap/pay too much for car insurance. Seriously, if there's an afterlife, I hope it's a whole lot cooler than watching the people on Earth like some kind of incredibly drawn out reality show you can never turn off.
Same thing with "He's in the loving arms of Jesus". Oh, wow. If that's the case, then there's a lot of people in those lovin' arms, am I right? I'm pretty sure there's nothing my dad would have hated more than a billion-person-strong group hug with everyone who has ever lived and died. And Jesus.
Whew. I feel a lot better now. :)