Hold on to your hats ladies and gentlemen, shit's about to get real...
Not quite two years ago, I lost my dad very suddenly. It sucked and my world came grinding to a halt for a long, long time.
Besides the obvious tragedy and the pain of missing someone so much it literally takes your breath away, a new world of irritation was revealed to me: the stupid shit people say after someone dies.
Which brings us to....
*** probably you should stop reading now if you're easily offended***
There are three main types of bereavement offenses. Allow me...
Offender #1 - Excessive exclamation points/ capital letters.
Look, I know you're really, realllllllly, sorry for my loss, but writing, "I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!!!!!!!!" on a sympathy card makes it look more like you're screaming for an encore at a fucking Miley Cyrus concert (or whatever crap music you and your offensive personality listen to).
Offender #2 - Improperly used good manners.
I'm all for good manners, I am. And part of that is saying "You're welcome." when someone says "Thank you." But this does not count as good manners: (taken from my Facebook wall)
"I'm so sorry for your loss"
"Thank you for your kind words"
"Ur welcome!!"
Seriously.
Offender #3 - Weird religious crap.
Listen, I generally have a lot of love (and occasionally a little envy) for those people who have strong faith, and it can be comforting in a difficult time, even for the non-religious of us out there. So when you say, "I'm praying for you", I think that's great. "My prayers are with your family".. that shit is sincere and thoughtful.
However, "Your dad is looking down on you from Heaven!" Uhhh, awesome, glad I can think about that every time I have sex/take a crap/pay too much for car insurance. Seriously, if there's an afterlife, I hope it's a whole lot cooler than watching the people on Earth like some kind of incredibly drawn out reality show you can never turn off.
Same thing with "He's in the loving arms of Jesus". Oh, wow. If that's the case, then there's a lot of people in those lovin' arms, am I right? I'm pretty sure there's nothing my dad would have hated more than a billion-person-strong group hug with everyone who has ever lived and died. And Jesus.
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Whew. I feel a lot better now. :)
This. Is. Amazing. I don't think I could ever say it better myself. And also, "Ur" is not a word unless you are running out of characters on Twitter. That's the ONLY time it's appropriate.
ReplyDeleteUr awesome. Great post. Thanks for the honesty.
ReplyDelete(Just) Trying stole my line :). I can't even stand it when people text me U or R or UR or any of that crap - drives me mental!
ReplyDeleteI've lost so many loved ones, I can so relate to how you feel. Let the world know that sometimes, their words are ridiculous (though I know they're trying to be nice and do care. Still...)
That's part of the reason (as you know) that I am so horrible in situations like this - I don't know what to say that won't sound like too much/too little/insensitive blah blah blah.
ReplyDeleteThe 'ur welcome' though, ugh...
I'd like to imagine your dad with a never-ending cold Point beer and a good book in HIS arms. That's a little more his style than a Jesus group hug.
I'm like Rachel. I sort of avoid the situation which I'm sure is no better. I don't want to sound like everyone else. When my uncle died of brain cancer, the best thing I could find to say to my aunt at his funeral was "This fucking sucks" We were close enough that she appreciated it. It was the most honest words I had. It just sucks so much.
ReplyDeleteI dread the overused "I'm sorry for your loss" from people. Totally drives me nuts and I 100% agree with your annoyances.
ReplyDeleteI usually don't say much because I don't want to say the cliche thing and usually just resort to a hug or a shoulder to cry on.
I never know what to say when people lose someone close to them, but I know what NOT to say.
ReplyDeleteSo true. I suck at comforting people in times of loss because all that runs through my head is: Fucking A! I think this is total bullshit! You shouldn't have to face something so crappy. Life is a bitch.
ReplyDeleteI usually say "I don't know what to say except I'm sorry" because that is the truth.
ReplyDeleteWhen my Dad died I wanted to punch people who said "He's in a better place", because how the fuck would they know?
Well said, why people can't just say "I'm sorry" or "Your family is in our thoughts and prayers" is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteI often have the same thought on the "they're looking down on you from heaven". While that may bring comfort to some people, I am not one of those who finds comfort in that phrase (for the same reason you stated, ha).
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss. May warm memories ease the pain of his loss.