Hey - head over to Jodi's at Run Jodi Run and check out the Q&A with yours truly! Thanks for featuring me Jodi!
It's been awhile since I've done a Things I Hate Thursday... but never fear. My wrath is still there, and I've got enough TIHT (yes, that 'H' is silent) posts to keep the anger sharks at bay for a while longer.
So I go to my mailbox the other day, and the FAO Schwartz catalogue is staring up at me, enticing me with all of its fancy toys and promises that my children will love me forever if I only buy them everything on its pages.
My kids already have lots of books, blocks, and balls (oh my!), so what else could they POSSIBLY need?
Well, let me frickin tell you.
For starters, no bedroom is complete without this:
 |
| Your child's very own ride-on menagerie! This elephant is a steal at only $649.99. |
Seriously. I wish I was making this up.
Does your little girl love Dancing with the Stars as much as my kids love peeing on screen doors? Then you'd be remiss to waste this opportunity to be a proud new owner of a DWTS prototype Barbie doll!
 |
| Choose from the Waltz, Samba, or Super Slutty Barbie for only $1,500.00! |
And after you're done teaching Slutty Barbie how to belittle poor plain Malibu Beach Barbie, you might want to get your sweet little angel one of these:
 |
| Her very own Barbie Foosball Table! |
At only $24,999.99 (I am not f*cking kidding here guys) you can't afford NOT to buy!
And last, but certainly not least, is this gem. I mean - I know I can remember being a little girl, and playing with my Etch-a-Sketch, and thinking:
"You know what, this is really fun. But you know what would make it more fun? $1,499.99 worth of 'dazzling, handset sapphire Swarovski crystals'"
I'd like to take this opportunity to tell Mr. Schwartz (because I'm sure he reads my blog) that instead of ordering from his catalogue that so perfectly represents everything I despise about the culture of this country, I'm going to go ahead and use its glossy, glistening pages to pick up the little piles of turds my cat leaves me every morning on my stairs.
That is all.
Oh my fucking gosh. I am getting my kids a pair of elephants AND the etch a sketch so it can sit next to the red one unused since bought.
ReplyDelete$25K!!!!!!!!!! Wow, just wow, I wonder if have even sold one??????
ReplyDeleteAmazing, I need to hurry and get on their mailing list so I can get my kids some of this stuff for X-Mas! It's within the budget....
ReplyDeleteThat reminds me of the "dream bra" from Victoria's Secret
ReplyDeleteNo. Just no. I guess the idea is that after browsing through $25,000 TOYS the next page with $500 toys looks like a bargain! Do people actually buy these things?
ReplyDeleteI want the etch a sketch damnit!
ReplyDeleteThis is the first blog post of yours that I've read, and I'm already in love with you! LOL!
ReplyDeleteWHAT. IN. THE. CRAP.
ReplyDeletebahahahaha. omg. i really dont have any words. except WTF. none of those toys even sound fun to me...maybe i am just getting old and boring. ha!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, this is funny because I just posted about stuff I saw in a catalog too! We are on the same brain wave today. I will not be getting my kids any of those things because as much as I am sure they would like them, I think they would like having food and electricity more. Geesh, what are people thinking?!
ReplyDeleteParents do not have a chance.
ReplyDeleteYou are too funny. I think we would get along very well! Just enough sarcasm and the perfect amount of hate for the ridiculous!
ReplyDeletekim
http://www.mytwintasticlife.com/
Haha that was pretty funny! Just started following you from the blog hop.
ReplyDelete