Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Swimming - The Pee Dilemma

Hey, good morning!

Had a great swim last night.  It was the first time I felt like I could swim using the front crawl indefinitely.  OK, maybe not quite indefinitely, but I wasn't gasping and sputtering and generally flailing about after two or three laps like I normally am

Also - I realized that my relative sufficiency in the side stroke is entirely dependant on the holding of a full, opened beer just above the water level.  Apparently, using two arms really throws off my stroke.

The stroke gets even better while drinking.  (That's what she said.)

After my swim, I headed to the showers.  I realized I really had to pee, so I about-faced and made a quick stop at the crappers instead.

So there I am, soaking wet, needing to pee.  In a one piece suit.  Let me tell you what I don't want to do.  I don't want to wrestle the straps off of my shoulders, pull my suit down, pee, try to get that wet spandex back up over my boobs, jump up and down repeatedly in the process, and then walk the 10 feet back to the shower and do it all again.

This conundrum brought me to a solution I was shocked to have never thought of before.  Could I just move the little crotch panel over a few inches, and do my business?   Is that gross?  Or genius?  Because that's what I did.  Worked like a charm.

Now, I realize I am definitely outing myself as one of two things.  Either I'm an idiot who in all of my years on this planet has never thought of this super simple solution to what has to be one of the major issues of lady swimmers everywhere, OR I am just a disgusting, lazy woman with no semblance of personal hygiene standards.

Either way - I do just want to throw these little things out there before the masses judge me.  Numero uno - I've never worn a one piece bathing suit before.  Numero dos - I always swim in a lake, and you can bet I'll be peeing in there like my life depended on it.

How do you pee in a one piece?  If you think I'm disgusting, for this issue or any other - now is the time folks.

Also, how do you count laps when you're swimming?  That arithmetic is harder than trying to figure out splits at mile 11 of a half marathon.

C'mon, you love peeing in lakes, right?  Major discussion at my cottage last summer about this very issue.  In fact, when the question was asked as we floated in a circle in the lake, easily half of my friends raised their hands that they were peeing.  Right then.  These are my kind of people.


  1. I have a problem I discovered at red granite one year. I can not pee while trying to swim. I need to be relaxed on a flotation device to pee. No one else I was with had this problem.

    I honestly have never had to think about how to pee in a 1 piece. I never wear one. I hate swimming so much that it's rare that I'm in this situation as is.

  2. and I was one of the friends that raised their hands.

    You should have just peed in the shower.

  3. I'm outing myself too--I used to do that all the time when I was a kid and spent every day of summer at the pool. It's practical! ;) Now I only wear tankinis so it's a non-issue.

  4. hahaha. i pretty much hate swimming so counting laps is a non-issue. more like counting breaths to make sure i am still alive/breathing. ha! but totally pee in lakes. duh. thats normal right!?! my grandfather always told me that the fish do it so i can too.

  5. My mom taught me the pull-aside method when I was a kid. I wouldn't do it any other way.

    The ONLY way I can count laps in the pool is via the alphabet. If I know how many laps I want to do, I count out the letters ahead of time. If I'm just going with the flow I count out the letters afterward.

    Every lap I think about that letter stuff. Alfred the alligator hates albinos. Silly stuff. I picture alfred. Etc. For a full lap. Then, Boris the Bullfighter brought bacon to Beriut. It's must easier and more distracting than numbers, and if you get lost you just think of the last ridicuous thing you were picturing.

    And anyone who claims they don't pee in lakes is lying or just really really lame.

  6. I would pull the suit over to the side to. I wouldn't be fighting pulling it down and then back up. Oh, and peeing at the lake, we had the same thing happen this summer on the house boat. My BFF was getting cold, we were like just pee, it will warm you up. She did, and she said she was warmer!! Good TIMES!!!

  7. I haven't swam in years but I think you have a genius idea!

  8. Clearly I'm a genius because that method is old news to me. Who would take off their entire suit? WAY too much work!

  9. Pull it to the side if I ever find myself needing to go.

  10. as the self proclaimed queen of all things pee related (ask my training partners!! lol)

    def just yank that sucker to the side and go.


    but on the bike? just GO. Lean yourself a little to teh non0chain side of your bike and GO.
    Who needs to waste all that time stopping??? And if someone gets sprayed-well they were drafting ;)

  11. Totally pull it to the side. Wet bathing suits are impossible to pull up!

    I lose count a lot when I am swimming. It is really frustrating. I wish I could just hire someone to stand there and count for me or something. I think I usually count 60 links of the pool for a mile...but that might be wrong.

  12. You seriously took off your whole suit to pee? How did you get it back on?

    I have always just moved the crotch, but I'm not above peeing in a body of water. I mean, urine is sterile after all.

  13. I am 100000% convinced, that if you pee in a lake, microbes swim up your pee'er and make your pee pee fall off. I read it somewhere, 100% true.


Hearing from you makes me happy! :)

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